It’s 2012, and if the first movie of the year is any indication, we are all doomed.
It is hard to put into words just how bad The Devil Inside was. I saw it last Friday with a crowd of the usual suspects—gaggles of teenagers and university students, couples looking for a scary date movie, and some horror fans keen on seeing if this possession movie would live up to its hype. Hype, mind you, not reviews–there were no press screenings for this film (sign of doom number one) and it had a Rotten Tomatoes score of 7% (sign number two), but there were nifty viral videos featuring audiences literally jumping out of fright.
The only jumping that occurred during The Devil Inside is when half the audience bounded to their feet as the film ended and proceeded to curse, swear, and yell at the screen. Their rage-filled colourful language was the best part of going to see this movie. I laughed and laughed and felt somewhat better about forking over $11.50.
The Devil Inside is about a woman who is tracking down her ma in a scary hospital in Rome. Her mom killed some folks in the 1980s somewhere in America and, logically, was sent to a hospital in Rome. The folks in Rome don’t think she is possessed, though. They brought her there just because. Her daughter, the bland protagonist, decides to participate in a documentary about her mom and sets off to see her for the first time in 20 years. When she arrives in Rome, where everyone speaks English all of the time, she makes pals with some cool priest types. They team up to try and solve mysteries and exorcize her mom’s demons. It’s around here that you start to feel very sleepy.
There are a lot of mediocre horror movies that follow the same formula of cheap jump-scares and tired horror tropes. They offer a minimal pay-off and maybe two or three good scares. I can put up with those. Alas, the most frightening moment in The Devil Inside, a film about demonic possession, is when a dog barks at the protagonist. I would like to think that was on purpose, but, having no faith at all in the director, writers, producers, actors (you get me), I can only assume that this was an accident that they decided to keep. Thank you, dog, for trying to save this movie. Your efforts have not gone unnoticed. Treats are in the mail.
There is a slim chance you might be frightened by this film if you have never, ever watched a horror movie or, perhaps, if you are an especially fragile child under the age of 10 who has been shielded from all forms of media. Every tired, old convention of this genre is replayed without even a hint of originality. The found footage style of filmmaking attempts to inject some energy into the movie but, as with everything else in this movie, fails.
This brutally bad film doesn’t even give the audience a proper ending, instead offering up a link to a website that looks like a conspiracy theorist’s Tumblr account.
It’s not good, guys. It’s terrible, awful, horrible, dreadful, unpleasant, horrid, repulsive, and… I’m running out of synonyms. Re-watch The Exorcist, The Omen, Session 9, Fallen, or even 2011’s sluggish exorcism flick The Rite which now seems awesome in comparison.
Horror fans deserve way better than films like this. Don’t reward lazy filmmaking with your money and attention. Trust me: we don’t want a sequel.